Signed: From Smartass Kitten Loving Author
by MaskedQueen
Summary: Story for The Kazekage of Suna's challenge. Konan is sick of the Akatsuki and is missing her kitty.


July 4

I hate my life. I honestly do. I hate it. So guess what I got today? A diary! You may be wondering why in Kami's name I got a diary? Well because of one reason!

As the only female in the Akatsuki, (not sure about Deidara and Itachi), I needed a friend that wasn't a guy. So I got a kitten. I named my kitten Aatoshi, meaning Art Paper. She was lovely. I told all my secrets and feelings to my beautiful kitten.

Then those Akatsuki motherfuckers- I mean members found her. Hidan, the son of a bitch, cut my damn cat. She survived! I thought Zetsu wanted to eat her. He didn't when I threatened him with plant killer.

Then Pein kicked her. He kicked. Who the hell kicks a cat? Probably one of those Suna ninjas.

So he kicked my poor Aatoshi. She was kicked so hard that her lungs collapsed. How does that even happen?!

She survived though. After that, Itachi tried to cook...TRIED! His blind ass thought my cat was chicken. He put her in the oven for twenty minutes. She survived!

So what happened to my little angel? Kakuzu sold her on Ebay. He...He...That bastardly miser sold my cat.

After a big temper tamtrum and a lot of curses about his members, Pein finally understood I was pissed. Then I stormed off.

When I came back, Pein gave me this diary. He said I could tell all my secrets and feelings to this diary instead of my cat.

When I refused, he said that since I like paper that it would be good for me. That earned him a few papercuts. I hate that bastard.

So that's how I ended up with you, diary. I suppose I should say why I hate my life.

So today was like any other day. I was minding my own business when Pein called a meeting. I, sadly, had to go. I got there to find the other idiots waiting for me.

What could Pein possibly want with all of us together. I mean I already have to deal with them all the time and when we're sealing a tailed beast. Why would I want more time with them? I honestly didn't want to be there.

Anyway, Pein wanted all of us to write a paper on how godly he is and how he will rule everything. I was annoyed.

There would be only two acceptable excuses for not having it. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in their immediate family. That bastard. He knows we don't have families. Well Itachi does. I suppose he could kill his brother. I have no idea where Tobi is. Did we leave him in Konoha?

"But what about extreme sexual exhaustion?" Hidan asked. "Do we have to fucking write it then?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Konan, take this one." Pein told me.

I glared at Hidan.

"Well," I responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

Everyone laughed. I smirked. Hidan glared and mumbled "Smartass."

I was a little pissed off after that but not enough to hate my life.

Deidara, the bastard, demanded I wash his cloak because he got clay on it. I kindly told him to leave me be or he'd get a few papercuts where he did not want them.

He then tried to blow me up.

So Deidara is in the hospital wing, suffering from paper cuts and minor burns. Why didn't Orochimaru stay in the Akatsuki? He just had to go run off and experiment on people, didn't he? He used to scare these guys enough for them to stay in their room. Stupid pedophile snake leaving me when I needed him to scare these little shits.

Deidara wasn't enough to piss me off good. No. It was Kakuzu.

I was on Ebay trying to find my little Aatoshi. I was desperate to find her. I did find the post for her. I had twenty seconds to cheer before she was sold.

That bastard. I stormed to his room but within that one minutes delay to get there, he mailed my cat. Ninja Mailmen. He used Ninja Mailmen.

I have yet to find out where she is. So that is why I hate my life. I can never have anything nice! Never!

I heard that Kazekage...what's his name? Gaara? Is having problems with a certain pineapple. I wonder if I killed the boy for him, he'd let me stay in Suna? Anything to get rid of these damn idiots. Suna's nice, right? It's better than fucking Ame. It rains too much.

So I'm going to try and live in Suna...And find my kitten...and hopefully kill Pein.

Maybe I'll buy a plant. I'll name it Nicole...

Signed from your smartass kitten loving author of this extremely stupid diary

Konan

P.S. Who ever bought my damn cat better return her right the hell now


End file.
